Regrets
by MissingMommy
Summary: The only thing that James and Lily can agree on is that being Albus would be so much easier. Maybe then they would have a good relationship. Next gen. LilyJames sibling fic. Series of drabbles.
1. They Wish They Were Albus

**A/n- I own nothing you recognize.**

James Sirius Potter is the oldest of him, his brother, and his sister; and if he's being honest, he completely despises it.

Lily Luna Potter is the youngest of her siblings; and if she's being honest, she whole-heartily loathes it.

And the only thing the two can ever agree on is that they wish they were Albus Severus Potter. Maybe then their lives would be easier and they wouldn't fight as constantly as they do.

**A/n- I know this is short. More are coming. **

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	2. Comforting

**A/n- I still don't own nothing you recognize.**

It's no secret that Lily is closer to Albus than James. Albus just _gets_ her better than James ever could. Even though James understands Lily's need to live up to everyone's expectations. Maybe it's the fact that she joined Albus in Slytherin. Maybe it's because Albus _never_ once judged her. Either way, James hates that he's not close to Lily.

He just wishes it was him that she came running to when the thunder scared her half to death. But it wasn't; it was always Albus. Everything in Lily's life revolved around Albus. She never once tried to understand how much she was hurting him when it wasn't his bed she crawled into, wanting _him_ to comfort her for once.

**A/n- So this is the first time in a while that I have written anything in third person POV, much less a series of drabbles. **

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	3. Broken Heart

**A/n- I would like to say that I still don't own anything you recognize.**

If there is one thing Lily and James have in common is their stubbornness. Because of this, their personalities clash. It's this realization by James that made him understand why Lily favored Albus.

Maybe if they didn't bicker as much as they do, Lily would favor James. Maybe, just maybe, he could show Lily that he truly does care about her; even when they are in a heated argument.

But Lily's growing up and James can't stop the guys from staring at his _baby_ sister. As much as he wishes, he isn't the one holding her close, wiping her tears, and telling her it's going to be alright when one of those guys breaks her heart. That's what Albus is there for; the comforting.

He's there to get revenge for his sister. It's the only time she ever truly appreciates him. "Thanks, James," she would whisper in a small voice.

"That's what big brothers are there for, Lily," would come his response. "To make the blokes pay for breaking your heart."

James would see that wide smile and feel her arms wrapped around him. It's those times that James knows everything they go through is worth it. It might not be an easy relationship for them, but he's her big brother and she knows he cares; that's good enough for both of them.

**A/n- How am I doing?**

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	4. Afraid of Heights

**A/n- I own nothing you recognize.**

If Lily had to be honest for once, she'd have to admit she's terribly jealous of James. It started at a young age; she was barely six at the time. James had gotten a broomstick for his ninth birthday. Oh, how she admired that broomstick from afar, wanting badly to take it for a ride.

It was a bright and sunny summer day. James was sick and Albus was over at Aunt Hermione's. With both of her parents at work, she decided that she would take James' broom for a small ride. What harm could it do?

She kicked off hard, rising quickly. Before she knew it, she could see most of Godric's Hollow. She screamed and nearly fainted. If it wasn't for James racing to catch her, she would've been hurt a lot worse than she was. It was the first time that she realized she was afraid of heights.

But as she looked back on that day, she's jealous that James isn't afraid to be in the sky. She wishes she wasn't afraid of the heights. She wants to be like James and he has no idea how much she wishes she was like him.

**A/n- **_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


	5. Be Careful Out There, Lily

**A/n- I still don't own anything you recognize, no matter how badly I wish to. **

James envies Lily. He knows it's silly to be jealous of her, but he is. She's everything he's _not_. Secretly, he wishes he was like her.

She had inherited their grandmother's intelligence. When she took the OWL's, she got nearly double the amount that he had. She had a bright future with jobs wanting her from all over the world. It was because she studied and he didn't. Unlike her, he was never one for school.

Out of all her options when she graduated, only one was the one for her; he knew that. Working with dragons, like Uncle Charlie, is dangerous work but she's determined to do it.

It isn't that he was particularly jealous of her choice because he isn't. He never liked Care of Magical Creatures, anyway. He's completely terrified that she'd get killed by one of the beasts. Not that he would ever tell her that, of course.

"Be careful out there, Lily," is all he says to her as she's saying her goodbyes. She detaches herself from his hug and stares at him for a few more minutes, waiting for him to say something else. When his words are caught in his throat, she's disappointed. After she apparates away, he whispers to the silence, "I love you."

**A/n- **_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


	6. Sunday Dinner

**A/n- I own nothing you recognize.**

James has never felt happier than the day he hears that Lily is returning from work and she wouldn't go back. She's going to join them at Sunday dinner. He's slightly nervous. It's been seven years since they last spoke.

As she walks in the Burrow for Sunday dinner, James frowns. She has a newborn son in her arms and a guy holding his hand around her waist. Nobody told him that she had a family. He's never felt more betrayed than he did at that moment.

Sure, they never had the best relationship and they haven't spoken in seven years, but that shouldn't have stopped her from telling him that she was finally settling down.

**A/n- **_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


	7. The Only Reason She Quit

**A/n- I own nothing you recognize.**

Lily notices James' expression as she walks into the Burrow for her first Sunday dinner in over seven years. The last time they spoke was as she was saying goodbye. She didn't bother talking to him since he couldn't tell her that he truly cared.

She honestly didn't plan on coming home. Like Uncle Charlie, she loved the dragons. The only reason she quit is because of the baby boy wrapped in her arms. She wasn't even going to quit for her husband.

James is the last person that is introduced to the baby in Lily's arms. And she can tell that it truly hurt him to be the last.

When she got back to the flat she now lived in, she wraps herself in her husbands' arms, like she used to do with Albus, and cries. She cries for the brother that she was never close to. Tears streak down her face because he never once told her that he loved her.

It's the first time that she's cried about her non-existent relationship with her oldest brother and it's the last time she does. She knows it stupid to cry over something that is already a done deal.

**A/n- **_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


	8. I Love You To Death, Lily

**A/n- I wish I owned everything you recognized, but sadly I don't. :/**

Forgiveness isn't easy for James and Lily; their stubbornness causes them to hold a grudge for a long time. Maybe that's where James went wrong. Maybe if he had just told Lily how much she meant to him then they might have had a better relationship than they did. It's the only thing in his life that he regrets; his broken relationship with Lily.

He has a dozen of her favorite flowers in his hands; tulips. He weaves in and out of the headstones, not knowing exactly where the one he's looking for is. When he finds it, he drops to his knees. After he places the flowers at the base of the headstone, he whispers, "We've needed to talk for a while now, Lily."

His voice echoes throughout the silent graveyard. "As much as you would think otherwise, I did love you. I had a funny way of showing it, I know; but I can't take it back now. And it's too late for apologies," he spoke. Tears form a stream down his cold cheek.

He brushes them away before adding, "Trust me, I know. But I would take back everything if I could. I would treat you the way an older brother should treat his youngest sibling and only sister. I guess the only reason I didn't was because I was jealous of you."

"It was a mistake and I'll live with the regret each and every day. Just know that I would gladly take your place if I could," he sighs, knowing that she'll never hear his apology. He gets to his feet and leaves. Right before he exits the graveyard, he turns back to glance at her headstone and murmurs, "I love you to death, Lily; I truly do."

**A/n- **_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


	9. Made Peace With All The Regrets

**A/n- I own nothing you recognize!**

Lily watches James from a distance as he knells before her headstone. She shutters involuntarily at the thought of never coming back. James is the last person she visits before she makes the biggest decision of her afterlife. There's so many things that she wants to tell him but she knows he'll never hear them. So instead, she takes to watching him for a few days; just to see how he truly reacted to her sudden death.

For a week, she watches as he goes through his routine. And just as she starts to decide to move on, that nobody misses her, James surprises her by talking to her headstone.

There's a ring of truth behind every word James spoke to the silent graveyard. And she wishes that it wouldn't have taken her this long to realize how much she needed him in her life. She guesses that the blame lies with James and herself; for neither was willing to overlook their jealousy for one another.

It's the first time she's ever heard James tell her that he did love her. It's also the first time she's seen him cry. Silently, she wishes his tears away but she knows he blames himself for her death. It wasn't his fault that a drunk driver swerved off the road and hit her as she calmed down from their recent fight; honestly, it was just bad timing for her.

But she understands that he regrets arguing with her; if they wouldn't have argued, she wouldn't have walked away and she still would be alive. But Lily's done with the "what if" game she's been playing since the day she died.

James felt Lily's spirit in the graveyard with him that day, though he would admit that to no one else. He knows that she heard every word he spoke to her. In a way, it gives him closure to know that she heard his apology, even though it wouldn't bring her back. It's that day that the world is lifted from James' shoulders.

Unknown to him, Lily made peace with all the regrets she had in her life. It allowed her to move on. But James secretly wishes that he could still feel her spirit near him. It brought him closer to her than he ever was when she was alive; only because he knew that she _wanted_ to be near him**. **

**A/n- I felt this was the best way to end this story. Lily and James might not have had the best relationship, but they did find a way to make peace with their mistakes. **

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